Thursday, May 26, 2011

"The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy"

My father can be found reading car and fishing magazines while watching his favorite movie on television even though he has it on DVD and VHS. He can tell you everything you need to know about Bass fishing in every kind of weather, what kind of car is coming down the street by the sound of it, the great American game of baseball and building a house. He grew up in Detroit, Michigan with his parents and two older sisters. He really is the opposite of a statistic considering he had a father who blamed his unhappiness on his only son, who turned out to be an incredible, patient and loving dad. He was almost in the major leagues of baseball and raced boats in countries that people only dream of going. He was married once before my mom and got divorced because, oddly enough, he didn't want children. His mother planned the same dinners each day of the week which explains his love for routine. He was the definition of 'alcoholic' until the day my sister was born and hasn't had a drop for almost 28 years, the most admiring fact being that he doesn't even miss it. He does, however, drink O'Douls because he misses the taste of beer. He eats porkchops, spaghetti and hot dogs for dinner which he washes down with milk in a glass that has been in the freezer all day (I'm convinced that if we made him eat healthy he would have a heart attack). He's creative, stress-free and funnier than anyone I could ever have the pleasure of meeting. He wouldn't be my dad without glasses, a basebal cap with a curved bill and a shirt featuring a car show from 1994. If I could marry a man that is half the man my dad is, I will be the luckiest girl in the world.

Friday, May 6, 2011

In Retrospect...

I wish I could tell you that everyday feels like a blessing.
I wish I could tell you that it's easy to get out of bed everyday.
I wish I could tell you that you'll always feel okay about being yourself.
I wish I could tell you that you'll feel as pretty as you are every day.
I wish I could tell you that you will always know that everything will be okay.
I wish I could tell you that all the suffering you will endure is for a reason.
I wish I could tell you that you won't ever have to call your landlord and ask for more time.
I wish I could tell you that most of the things you stress over aren't ever going to happen.
I wish I could tell you that you'll never lose faith and that life will never make you feel that it's too hard to believe in anything. 
I wish I could tell you that you'll never be a victim of ridicule and that you'll never regret anything.
I wish I could tell you that you will always feel like everything is beautiful.

Even though some of these things may be true, there will be times where you will lose sight of important things in your life because you feel like the universe has turned against you. Sometimes you're going to feel like your hopes, expectations and dreams are collapsing from underneath you and that you'll never feel solid ground again. Sometimes, you aren't going to feel in control. And sometimes, when you need it the most, you will feel okay with everything. You will gain your balance again and faith will fill up your heart so much that you can barely handle all the love you have for life. And those are the moments that make you realize it's all worth living for.

So I guess what I can tell you is that as you get older you start putting things into perspective. I can tell you to do your best so you never feel like you failed. I can tell you to wake up thankful everyday that you made it through the day before. I can tell you that there are more things in life to live for, than things in life that make you want to leave. And I can safely tell you that you will have problems. You will have a life full of struggle and heartache and hopelessness and I hope you do, because only then will you know how strong you really are and all those obstacles you overcame will one day be blessings. With each problem that you don't back down from you will walk away with that much more wisdom and strength and self satisfaction, making you stronger for the next time. It's only through struggle and through breaking down crying on your bathroom floor and through thinking that universe has something against you, that you will gain the courage and passion to make it in life. The moments that you feel the most helpless are the moments that are one day going to define you. And I hope, with every tiny fiber of my being, that it is the definition that you have been looking for.